Your wedding is an important day of celebration, so you want it to be special and memorable. The ceremony can set the stage. It is personal to the couple getting married, reflects their choices and ethos, and encompasses the family members and friends the couple want to witness the formal exchange of their vows of love and faithfulness.
A wedding is the most common occasion I participate in, and getting the ceremony right is paramount. I offer a personal and meaningful ceremony at a reasonable price. The focus is on the couple and what suits them on this occasion, and what fits into their lifestyle, and what they are comfortable with. I like to get a traditional feel and include some Celtic elements or other cultural rituals reflecting the ethnic background of the couple getting married.
Continuing the cultural theme, I can do part or all of the ceremony ‘as gaeilge’. Humour and fun can feature as well.
The couple getting married has already made a lifetime commitment to each other, and the ceremony is the forum where they want to put an official seal on it and have it witnessed. The witnesses can be as few as two, as required by law, or as many as the couple wants to celebrate with them. The wishes of the couple are the central theme of the ceremony.
The ceremony encompasses a range of emotions – love, joy, celebration, and the solemnity of a binding contract- and the elements in the ceremony reflect these.
There are some legal requirements that must be observed.
Once these formalities are observed, there is a wide choice of what else can be in the ceremony.
For some people, music is an essential part of any ceremony, and it is not important for others. Traditionally, there is music when the bridal party (or the couple) enters, and music at the end. But there are many other opportunities in the ceremony where music can be included, depending of the wishes of the couple. I have had soloists, duos, ukulele or ceili bands, and choirs all in person. Of course, recorded music can be used as well, and this gives a wide choice. You can have Elvis or Pavarotti sing at your wedding.
Readings give a chance for family members or friends to take part in the ceremony. Readings can be prose, poetry, or some original creation. I have had letters written by parents or even children to express their good wishes and say how they feel about the day.
This reflects an ancient custom where the people present bestowed their blessing on the couple getting married. The rings are passed around the guests who are asked to hold them for a moment, warm them with their love, and make a silent wish for the health and happiness of the couple. This gives an extra meaning to the rings which the couple exchange later on in the ceremony.
This is also an old tradition; candles symbolise life and light. There are three candles – two smaller and one larger. At the start of the ceremony, the two smaller candles are lit by family members or by the couple. When the vows have been made, these two flames are used to light the bigger candle, symbolising the joining together of two people into one family.
The symbolism of this is similar to that of the Unity Candles, and the tradition may have come from Asia. Two containers of sand represent each partner getting married. These are poured into a larger container to show the joining of two people into one family. This can be enlarged to include children in the ceremony, with a container of sand for each member of the family, and the ritual represents the importance of the bonding between the parents and children. The sand can be coloured and poured to form a lovely abstract pattern, and the container or vase can be kept as a visual reminder of the day. The celebrant expresses the wish that, as the individual grains of sand can no longer be separated, so may this family bond be strong.
This involves the couple preparing a box or other fancy container. Then they write a letter to each other the night before the ceremony, saying how they feel before the wedding. During the ceremony, these letters are placed in the box along with a bottle of champagne or other beverage (I have seen Barry’s Tea!). The box is opened on the first anniversary to celebrate the day and to remember how they felt on the night before they were married.
This is a genuine Celtic ritual which originated in Scotland and spread to Ireland in pre-Christian times. The couple’s hands are bound with a woven ‘crios’ or other ribbon or fabric which has special meaning for the couple. Along with this goes a narration:
Music can be played in the background of this part of the ceremony, which adds a lovely atmosphere to it.
These are the most common additions to a wedding ceremony, but there is ample room for others. I have used the Seven Steps of a Hindu wedding, and the exchanging of gifts, which others want to do. There can be ringing of bells by the guests. As well as a signal of celebration, bellringing has a historical meaning of banishing evil spirits.
Many couples devise rituals of their own using imagination and invention, and these can be incorporated into the ceremony. They can be combined with the traditional elements already mentioned, and sometimes I use an ancient betrothing stone when the vows are being made. This was used in Ireland under the Brehon laws. It consists of a large rock with a hole through it. A couple who wanted to live together would go to the stone, join their hands through the hole, and make their vows. They could then live together for a year and a day and decide if they wanted to make it permanent. I have a ceramic model of a betrothing stone made by a talented young woman from Tramore, and that adds a unique touch to a ceremony.
What I have been describing is a legal wedding ceremony. Of course, some couples choose to get married in the Registry Office and then have a separate ceremony with friends and family to celebrate it. The ceremony would be similar to a legal one, minus the compulsory requirements mentioned already.
The length of the ceremony depends on what you want to put into it, but a typical ceremony with a few rituals, three readings, and three pieces of music takes about thirty minutes.
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